so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
