Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
