just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
