Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize