I accidentally burped into my bong.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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