Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
