did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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