seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
