New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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