I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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