I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
