Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
