Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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