did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
