When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
