who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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