My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
