I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Randomize
