i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
