dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
