i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
