I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Someone shit on the floor
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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