If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
