i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
