Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
My vagina just recognized that song.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
