we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
