Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
