I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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