Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
