im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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