i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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