Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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