I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
