Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
