DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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