id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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