summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
