I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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