Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
