I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize