When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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