there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
