did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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