he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Man, jail baloney is awful.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
