I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
