no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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