my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
