he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
