i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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