There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
