marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Houston, we have a blender
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize