So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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