That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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