Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
