I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
