Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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