Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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