who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
