How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
