oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
