She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
