is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
