so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
