would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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