yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
