trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
