That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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