you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
