Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
