Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
