life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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