The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
