your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
